Stupid Love

In Civilization and Its Discontents, Sigmund Freud covers the basis for love and the reasons behind why love should be given to others. Freud seems to be of the opinion that love is something to be earned rather than freely given, this conclusion is found in “He will be worthy of it if he is so like me in important respects that I can love myself in him” (Freud 50). The type of love described here, is a love that is not true, rather it is self serving. Ascertaining this mindset of love, is a dangerously thin line between love and narcissism and this is something seen in the world more often everyday. 

Freud begins his work by first addressing that love is an unavoidable feeling, that every single person will experience at some point in their life. Freud states, “I am speaking, of course, of that way of life which makes love the centre of all things and anticipates all happiness from loving and being loved” (Freud 21). Freud does not discount that love is evident in many things, but argues that it all originates from the one type of love: sexual love. Freud states,  “This attitude is familiar enough to all of us; one of the forms in which love manifests itself, sexual love” (Freud 21)  then goes on to say “furnishes a prototype for our strivings after happiness” (Freud 21). Therefore in Freud’s argument love stems from the pursuit of happiness, but this outlook is flawed. One can come to this conclusion because another one of Freud’s points on an individual's need for society and community. Freud discusses the implications of being in community and how this affects an individual’s pursuit of happiness and how they must give up some things in order to secure the safety within the community. Textual evidence can be found in, “Civilized man has exchanged some part of his chances of happiness for a measure of security.” (Freud 56), this quote among others represents Freud’s ideas on community. Freud’s discussion on an individuals need for community and society can help one in seeing this flawed outlook on love. This is true because if a person’s love and motivation to be in community with others is found primarily in their  pursuit for their own happiness, the community will then crumble the moment tensions rise. Freud even branches over into discussing socialism and what this might look like in actuality, finding the flaws within its rules and regulations. He begins to discuss if personal rights to material goods were done away with (Freud 65) and then states, “Let us suppose this were also to be removed by instituting complete liberty in sexual life, so that the family, the germ-cell of culture, ceased to exist; one could not.” (Freud 65). Freud himself sees that the “family” is essential to culture and community existing and that without this, people cannot even imagine what life would look like. So this begs the question of what are the motivations behind actions? It can be plainly seen that a person cannot operate from the motivation of what makes them happy alone, or the “id”, but it must be operating from the superego. The superego being one’s morals and conscience, rooted in what has been learned from family and friends. 

Next, Freud generally discusses love and how one might go about receiving or giving of love. He begins by quoting the well known verse from the Bible saying, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Freud 50). Freud then states that his love is something special and something to be earned when he says “My love seems to me a valuable thing that I have no right to throw away without reflection. It imposes obligations on me which I must be prepared to make sacrifices to fulfill.” (Freud 50). Here Freud does see what the aforementioned verse from the Bible is asking of people. One who follows in the way of Christianity must give up their own desires in the moment to better love another and to Freud this seems a silly notion. Why should a person give up what they want for a person they do not even know? Freud believes that love is to be earned and is not something to be given to just anybody, “If I love someone, he must be worthy of it in some way or other…. He will be worthy of it if he is so like me in important respects that I can love myself in him” (Freud 50). The previously given quote, is one of the most important pieces to this puzzle, as it reveals his true motive behind loving another. He is truly loving himself as well as loving that they are easy to love and that it does not require any true sacrifice on his part. The idea might even be spoken that Freud was one who did not wish to be challenged on important topics, but rather wanted his close circle of friends to simply go along with what he thought. 

Freud continues on in this same passage saying that if a person is a stranger and hasn’t attracted any attention or done anything to promote Freud’s wellbeing in life then it will be hard to love him (Freud 50), but then goes on to say a few lines later that “Not merely is this stranger on the whole not worthy of love, but to be honest, I must confess he has more claim to my hostility, even to my hatred” (Freud 51). Lines such as this sound similar to something Gaston from Beauty and the Beast might say, or really any villain to ever exist in a Disney movie. Then in true Disney villain fashion, it is appalling that a stranger might think the same way as him and be more likely to hate him than to love him. (Freud 51). One might conclude that it is quite hypocritical to desire love from a stranger, but have no intention of doing the same for another. 

In conclusion Freud possesses a selfish sort of love that is self-serving, and is borderline narcissistic in some of his thoughts on how one goes about earning love. This type of love and action is seen more and more in society each and everyday and can only serve to become increasingly dangerous to the community as a whole. Rather than having this sort of love for ourselves and others, it can be seen throughout society that when we have love for all people it promotes unity and peace within the community which can only have positive effects from there.